in which our heroine continues the meme -- day three: eight things.

eight ways to win my heart:

1. be honest. it's simple and it's cliché, but it's true.

2. be creative. my sweetheart got me to notice him in an interesting, unique, wonderfully geeky way.

3. be well-spoken. don't say something or someone is "gay" or "retarded". you don't have to be politically correct, but don't say things that make you out to be a moron.

4. have a great sense of humor. another cliché, I know, but laughing until you cry with someone is such a great feeling.

5. really get me. if that one has to be explained, then you (the general "you") don't.

6. be considerate. treat people and animals kindly.

7. be as into me as I am into you.

8. and finally, when all else fails...offer chocolate.

in which our heroine continues the meme -- day two: nine things.

nine things about myself:

1. I was a music education major in college. I had a partial scholarship. I quickly decided I didn't want to teach, and I went on and off for two years before dropping out completely.

2. I am a world-class procrastinator. I am terrible about getting anything done unless/until it absolutely has to be done.

3. I am not terribly girly. I wear hardly any makeup and mostly pull my hair back into a ponytail. I have never had a manicure or pedicure or any kind of spa treatment. I hate clothes shopping.

4. I've always rejected the generic Life Plan: I don't really have a career, I don't own a house, I'm an atheist, I'm not married (though I am engaged), and I vehemently do not want children.

5. I'm a good cook and an excellent baker. I just don't tend to do either one that often.

6. I have lived in five states: Iowa, Georgia, California, Texas, and South Carolina.

7. I love driving. I'd take road trips every weekend if I could.

8. I spend way too much time online.

9. no matter what I do, I feel like a good, happy, secure, stable life is entirely out of my reach.

in which our heroine begins working through a meme.

here is what I will do:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

so. ten things I want to say to ten different people right now.

1. I have always been the black sheep, but that has never been more apparent than now. you only call me in the car on your way home, so I talk to you for ten minutes at a time, and only on the rarest of occasions. it was terribly unfortunate timing that the baby was born on my birthday. now I feel like I've been replaced, like I don't even have a place with you anymore. you left me a voicemail about me getting a niece for my birthday. for the first time in over a decade, you didn't even send a card. do you know how much it hurts to not belong with the people you're supposed to belong with?

2. I'm sorry that I don't ask questions or entertain conversations about your life now that you're with someone else. I hide you on Facebook sometimes too. even though I'm in love, I can't bear the idea of you with someone else. I know that's incredibly selfish, but there it is. I don't even feel like we're very good friends anymore, and I know that's my fault. so, for that, I'm sorry.

3. I wish I never met you. if I could have one wish, I would wish to erase the time I spent with you, because it was horrible and emotionally scarring.

4. I wish I never met you either. I moved across the country to escape the mental and emotional havoc you wreaked on me. I don't believe anything that comes out of your mouth, and I resent the fact that I was always good enough to fuck, but never good enough to love.

5. email me back, dammit! your place is still my first choice of places to live, even though I haven't seen it yet. the other one doesn't have an oven! come on, dude!

6. after spending so much time waiting for you to stop fucking around, getting over you was the healthiest thing I've done for myself in a long time.

7. fuck you, SSgt. Douchebag. the C stands for Cheston. Cheston. only because you desperately don't want anyone to know. Cheston.

8. I wish we hung out more! you're a fun person and we had a good time at the concert last year! I need more female friends.

9. speaking of... you're my best friend and I wish we lived closer to each other!

10. and finally, the good one: you are the love of my life, my sweet man. I don't need any of the people who let me down and hurt me; you're all the family I need. loving you is the easiest and best thing I've ever done, and I want to love you for the rest of my life.

in which our heroine starts Holidailies 2010

in just under the wire! I have nothing of actual substance to say now, so...more tomorrow.

in which our heroine wakes you up before she go-goes.

(it sounded funny at the time.)

yesterday was a milestone in my life. it was the first year that I have been at the same job for an entire calendar year. it's sort of strange that I've been working since I was eighteen and this is only now happening, but so be it. it makes things much quicker at tax time, that's for sure. it is also the longest I've ever been at one company, and in four more months, I will have been at my job for two full years. I think that's pretty great. I still love it every day and I love that I can leave work at work and keep home life for myself. I think that's also pretty great.

when I was getting ready to leave work yesterday afternoon, at around 1:30 p.m., I had been bumming hard for reasons unknown. just...life stresses, I suppose. on my way out I went through the warehouse, saying goodbye and happy new year to two of the three owners (one is on vacation), a couple of the shipping guys, and one of the proofreaders. our office dog came up to say goodbye too, and I got in the last few doggy snuggles of the year.

the shouts of "goodbye" and "good work today" and "happy new year!" lifted the fog of moodiness and brought a smile to my face as I pushed through the warehouse door to the outside world. the bright winter sun hit my eyes and, while I shaded them, my smile turned into a grin. I walked through the crisp air and I thought, you know what? my life might suck sometimes, but it's still my life, and I'm living it as well as I can, and that's something to be thankful for. and so I'm trying to be.

last night I lit a candle for all of us, in the hopes that it shines light on some goodness and hope in this coming year. I wish you all health and happiness, luck and love. kiss your significant others, hug your friends and family, give snuggles right back to the animals who love you unconditionally, and believe.

happy new year, everyone.

(this post was chosen by the Holidailies panel as a "Best of Holidailies" selection -- my second one for the season. thanks again!)

in which our heroine puts that sh*t on everything.

(heh. I've been eating a lot of chicken with Frank's RedHot for dinner lately.)

well, the first round of cookies is done.

this year I decided to make gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies, with some kind of icing and decoration on them.

the gingerbread recipe is a good one, I think, but the cookies did not turn out flavorful enough for me. whether that's from using store-bought spices or the amounts not being enough, I'm not sure. I'm going to try adding another half-measurement of each spice to the dough I make tonight.

also, the directions said to chill the dough for an hour, but it was still a big pain to work with. since I think the consistency ended up just fine in the final product, I'm going to keep the dough in the refrigerator for two hours this time, and maybe work with smaller batches at a time.

the sugar cookie recipe is very basic and I don't think it makes the cookies sweet enough, but with the icing on them, they should be fine. the same chilling time changes will apply to this dough as well.

the cookie cutters are cute, but they were hard to get out of the sticky dough. if the added time in the refrigerator doesn't solve that, maybe I will try a light coating of flour inside the cutters.

and the icing. dear god.

I decided to try royal icing for these cookies since it's supposed to harden well. the usual way to make it (apparently) is cold water, egg whites and confectioner's sugar. initially I was going to make it with meringue powder instead of egg whites (I cannot remember the reasoning behind this decision), but then I discovered that you can't just walk into your average grocery store and buy meringue powder. apparently it is sold at party stores and craft stores and wherever specialty baking stuff is also sold. whatever, I don't have the time or desire to hunt it down, so I went with egg whites.

however, I thought I was so smart when I picked up a carton of egg whites as opposed to separating them from the yolks of actual eggs. I got the carton home and that's when I noticed on the side that due to however it's processed, it's not good to use for meringues, presumably because normal use would require them to be cooked. I looked at the recipe I had and it said that if there were concerns about salmonella, the egg whites could be mixed with a third of the sugar needed and microwave it to 160º before adding the rest of the sugar. so I stood by the microwave with a meat thermometer (I know, wtf! but I don't own one for candy and they both measure temperature, so I figured it was fine enough), heating the mixture for thirty seconds at a time and then seeing if it was hot enough. it looked very much like meringue when I was finished heating it, but I beat it into oblivion with the rest of the sugar.

what I probably should have done is sifted the sugar in and used my mixer to beat the icing, but since I did neither of those things, the sugar was lumpy and the icing ridiculously sticky. it's supposed to harden overnight (...that's what she said...), but I looked at it this morning and it's still sticky.

I divided the icing into small batches and added some food coloring to each (I think this part turned out just fine!). I did sugar cookie wreaths in green, bells in red, and what I think were supposed to be doves in blue (it sounds strange but it looks kinda cool). I put non-colored icing on the sugar cookie candle shapes and shook peppermint-flavored sparkling sugar on top. the other cookies got, respectively, red nonpariels, green nonpariels, and rainbow sprinkles. I couldn't find any of the silver balls that I wanted to use (apparently those shouldn't be eaten, but whatever). by the time I was done with the sugar cookies, I just didn't have the energy to do the gingerbread, so they are still plain.

I don't think the icing was the consistency to be put through the decorator gun, but maybe I can work with that on the next batch, because I really want to use this new toy! I also added a drop of vanilla to the icing, and I think I liked that.

the cookies turned out ugly but tasty. maybe I'll take some pictures when I do this next round today.

(edit: I went to Evil Walmart at lunch and, surprise surprise, found meringue powder! so I'll be trying that tonight, with the vanilla added because supposedly the icing made this way doesn't taste as good. I also got some more sparkling sugar and some gold and silver glazes, plus one of those little offset spatulas to help spread the icing better. I was using the back of a spoon, with less-than-sexy results.)

in which our heroine does not understand the fascination with Manolo Blahniks.

I went and bought my cookie baking-and-decorating paraphernalia this morning and the ingredients at the store on the way home. I plan to be all bakey bakey this weekend! yay!

I feel sort of like today kicked my ass, but I'm not sure why. general sense of doom, I suppose.

I do have things that I want to write about, but I have thus far failed to get into the right frame of mind to put them into the journal. I'm lame, I know. but my wrist (sprained in September, if you'll recall) has been acting up lately and I have been spending less time online and more time having Sex and the City marathons. I desperately need the sixth season (both parts) and the movie. both are wonderful and it's truly tragic that I do not own those DVDs.

anyway. bed now. I hope to sleep late. which reminds me: I'd better go feed the cats so that I have a better chance of that happening.