in which our heroine begins working through a meme.

here is what I will do:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

so. ten things I want to say to ten different people right now.

1. I have always been the black sheep, but that has never been more apparent than now. you only call me in the car on your way home, so I talk to you for ten minutes at a time, and only on the rarest of occasions. it was terribly unfortunate timing that the baby was born on my birthday. now I feel like I've been replaced, like I don't even have a place with you anymore. you left me a voicemail about me getting a niece for my birthday. for the first time in over a decade, you didn't even send a card. do you know how much it hurts to not belong with the people you're supposed to belong with?

2. I'm sorry that I don't ask questions or entertain conversations about your life now that you're with someone else. I hide you on Facebook sometimes too. even though I'm in love, I can't bear the idea of you with someone else. I know that's incredibly selfish, but there it is. I don't even feel like we're very good friends anymore, and I know that's my fault. so, for that, I'm sorry.

3. I wish I never met you. if I could have one wish, I would wish to erase the time I spent with you, because it was horrible and emotionally scarring.

4. I wish I never met you either. I moved across the country to escape the mental and emotional havoc you wreaked on me. I don't believe anything that comes out of your mouth, and I resent the fact that I was always good enough to fuck, but never good enough to love.

5. email me back, dammit! your place is still my first choice of places to live, even though I haven't seen it yet. the other one doesn't have an oven! come on, dude!

6. after spending so much time waiting for you to stop fucking around, getting over you was the healthiest thing I've done for myself in a long time.

7. fuck you, SSgt. Douchebag. the C stands for Cheston. Cheston. only because you desperately don't want anyone to know. Cheston.

8. I wish we hung out more! you're a fun person and we had a good time at the concert last year! I need more female friends.

9. speaking of... you're my best friend and I wish we lived closer to each other!

10. and finally, the good one: you are the love of my life, my sweet man. I don't need any of the people who let me down and hurt me; you're all the family I need. loving you is the easiest and best thing I've ever done, and I want to love you for the rest of my life.